Edith entertains the customers with a song. René's comment: "Always leave them wanting less!"

L to R: Peter Glinn, Jo Levy (at piano), John Preskett, Dil Smith, Emily Downs (hidden), Mel White, Jo Smith (behind bar), Mavis Standing, Jill Turner, Wendy Downs

René: "Already toupee, Colonel?"

Captain Alberto Bertorelli (John Preskett): "She looka like the little doll"

Crabtree (Vicky Meadows): "I found myself pissing your coffe"

Leclerc (Nick Webb): "To speak, press hard!"

Lieut Gruber (Martin Wellen): "It is a bit public here"

Herr Flick enters the café. René: "Although you did not book, I am sure we can turn some peasants out into the street to make room for you"

René: "For those of you who may possibly have lost the thread in this tapestry of intrigue …"

Alberto to Michelle: "French crumpet!"

Crabtree: "I will have to wish my underpints. The sissage has made them ping of gurlic!"

Gruber: "I do not know quite how to put this"

Flick and Helga do the tango. Mimi looks on.

General von Schmelling (Tim Rose) arrives

von Schmelling: "Are you refusing to share the sausage with a superior officer?"

René: "I am only a poor man, we cannot afford the glasses"

Alberto exposes the priceless painting of the fallen madonna with the big boobies. "What a mistake a to makea!"

René to Yvette: "I am going to Switzerland. The train leaves any minute"

René to Mimi: "Here, take this toothpaste. There is not much left"

René: "Will this nightmare never end?"

The British airman (Paul Wareham and Paul Heath) in hiding

Michelle: "Listen very carefully…"

Crabtree with the exploding Dutch cheeses: "Do not drip them otherwise they may go off – bong!"

Michelle: "Every chamber is full"

René: "That is a terrible thing to say to an hotel proprietor"

Gruber: "Of course, General – wonderful leather!"

Helga to Flick: "Your legs are so exciting!"

The Gestapo suspender belt. Helga: "Are there any operating instructions?"

Alberto: "What happen when the real Hitler turn up?"

Alberto struts his stuff.

Edith to René: "I wear it so that I will look beautiful for you tomorrow"

René to Leclerc: "Why are you disguised as Wee Willie Winkie?"

Yvette to soldier (Jo Levy): "As soon as you get a new ballcock, let me know"

René to Edith: "You stupid woman. What do you think I am doing with her?"

René to Michelle: "I see you are about to leave the country"

With the blow-up Hitler dummy. Crabtree: "If the pimp or the compressed ear fail, you can take this pope and use your broth"

Rene: "Not here, take him in the back room"

Mimi to Gruber: "A light?"

Yvette to Crabtree: "He does not seem to be holding the wind"

René to Crabtree: "I think I have found it. My my, it is a big one!!"

Leclerc enters dressed as Hitler: "Heil me!"

Alberto enters dressed as Hitler, and von Strohm as Goering

Flick enters dressed as Hitler with the dummy dressed as Goering

von Schmelling enters amid the general confusion

Edith strides in dressed as Hitler …

… Mimi arrives as another Goering …

… and finally Cratree appears as yet another Goering

Edith and René waltz off into the sunset

The cast taking their curtain call