Bard Again!

MacHamlet takes to foreign parts
Part 2 of the MacHamlet trilogy

To order scripts ISBN 978-1-873855-67-6Cast ListScenesExtractProduction photos

Note that The Trilogy is now available as a single publication ISBN 978-1-873855-72-0


Having taken part in the first game of football in Scotland in 1040 (see MacHamlet), two years later our teams head to Venice for the first ever European Cup but all does not go to plan! See also MacHamlet goes West .

I hope you'll enjoy performing this pantomime of a play.

Knowledge of the relevant Shakespeare plays will make the experience more enjoyable for cast and audience, but is certainly not a prerequisite.

Running time approx 2 hours including interval

Principals: 21 with doubling, of whom 6 male & 4 female as indicated; for the rest, genders can be swapped – treat it as a pantomime!

The year is 1042; the time is medieval; the morals mighty evil!

Cast List . . .

The Scottish Team:

Mac Macbeth, thane of Mylife, opportunist goal-seeker
Beth Macbeth
his wife & team director
Witch One
(Morag) organiser of Scottish cheerleaders
Witch Two
(Kirsty) a cheery cheerleader
Witch Three
(Bella) a dour cheerleader
Duncan King
team captain
Banquo the Ghost
a phantom winger
Birnam Wood
from where we get defence
Glen & Morangie
supporters of the Scottish distilleries
Will McGonagall
a barred bard

The Danish Team:

Hamlet formerly known as Prince, dead ball specialist
Hamlet's mother, team trainer, now married to Claudius
disputed team captain
a solid goalkeeper
good with the head
team manager
team masseuse
Carl & Berg
probably the best lager louts in the world
Hans Christian Andersen
a seller of tales

Lady Godiva/Portia the referees
Kismet Kate
an Italian feminist

List of Scenes . . .

Act I

Scene 1 – The Witches convene
Scene 2 – In a Scottish pub
Scene 3 – Bard-off #1
Scene 4 – Rowing practice
Scene 5 – Witches' search
Scene 6 – On the longboat
Scene 7 – The Venetians await
Scene 8 – Arrival in Venice

**** INTERVAL ****

Act II

Scene 1 – Polonius & Portia
Scene 2 – In a Venetian bar
Scene 3 – Bard-off #2
Scene 4 – Update
Scene 5 – Match of the Bay
Scene 6 – Witches switch
Scene 7 – Back in the Venetian bar

Extract – The first scene

Act I Scene 1 – The Witches convene

(The three witches declaim from different points in the auditorium, moving towards the stage.)

Witch 1 The year has turned, the day is nigh.
Witch 2 'Once more unto the breach,' they cry.
Witch 3 'Once more unto the breach?' What's that?
Witch 1 We're off to see a football match
Witch 2 But not in Scotland, dear me no –
             We've many further miles to go.
Witch 1 We'll have to go across the sea,
             As far away as Italy.
Witch 3 To Italy? Well, thank you, ta –
             I don't know if I go that far.
Witch 1 Well, Bella dear, that's nothing new.
Witch 2 It's true – she hasn't got a clue.
Witch 1 We're going there to cheer our lads.
Witch 2 Dressed in our tartan and our plaids.
Witch 3 Well count me out, it's not my scene.
Witch 1 Och, come on Bella, don't be mean!
Witch 2 They'll lose if we don't back them up.
Witch 3 Lose what?
Witch 1       The European Cup!
Witch 3 The wha'?
Witch 2       It's new this year you know.
Witch 1 The flying Doctor told us so.
Witch 3 Not that one in the flashing hut!
Witch 1 Aye, him again.
Witch 3       I don't know – but

(They have arrived at the stage, and broomsticks appear)

Witch 2 You'll do it, Bella. Stick by me.
             We'll travel in formation – see?
Witch 1 The Doctor found these on a trip.
             He said we'd find them useful.
Witch 2       Sit
             Like this, he said (she demonstrates) and hold on tight.
Witch 1 We'll be like three black crows in flight.
Witch 3 Where did he find them?
Witch 1       I don't know.
             I think he said some studio.
Witch 2 Aye, piled outside with all the scrap
             Along with some old wizard's hat.
Witch 3 They've all got names.
Witch 1       My, my, that's true.
             I'm Harry Potter. Who are you?
Witch 2 I'm Weasley Ron.
Witch 3       I'm Hermi One.
Witch 1 Right – ready for a trial run?
Witch 2 As ready as we'll ever be.
Witch 1 Then, chocks away – to Italy!

(The witches exit, fly them if you dare!)

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