To order scripts ISBN 978-1-873855-67-6 – Cast List – Scenes – Extract – Production photos
Note that The Trilogy is now available as a single publication ISBN 978-1-873855-72-0
Having taken part in the first game of football in Scotland in 1040 (see MacHamlet), two years later our teams head to Venice for the first ever European Cup – but all does not go to plan! See also MacHamlet goes West .
I hope you'll enjoy performing this pantomime of a play.
Knowledge of the relevant Shakespeare plays will make the experience more enjoyable
for cast and audience, but is certainly not a prerequisite.
Running time approx 2 hours including interval
Principals: 21 with doubling, of whom 6 male & 4 female as indicated; for
the rest, genders can be swapped – treat it as a pantomime!
The year is 1042; the time is medieval; the morals mighty evil!
Mac Macbeth, thane of Mylife, opportunist
goal-seeker
Beth Macbeth his wife & team director
Witch One (Morag) organiser of Scottish cheerleaders
Witch Two (Kirsty) a cheery cheerleader
Witch Three (Bella) a dour cheerleader
Duncan King team captain
Banquo the Ghost a phantom winger
Birnam Wood from where we get defence
Glen & Morangie supporters of the Scottish distilleries
Will McGonagall a barred bard
Hamlet formerly known as Prince, dead
ball specialist
Gertrude Hamlet's mother, team trainer, now married to Claudius
Claudius disputed team captain
Horatio a solid goalkeeper
Yorick good with the head
Polonius team manager
Ophelia team masseuse
Carl & Berg probably the best lager louts in the world
Hans Christian Andersen a seller of tales
Lady Godiva/Portia the referees
Kismet Kate an Italian feminist
Scene 1 – The Witches convene
Scene 2 – In a Scottish pub
Scene 3 – Bard-off #1
Scene 4 – Rowing practice
Scene 5 – Witches' search
Scene 6 – On the longboat
Scene 7 – The Venetians await
Scene 8 – Arrival in Venice
Scene 1 – Polonius & Portia
Scene 2 – In a Venetian bar
Scene 3 – Bard-off #2
Scene 4 – Update
Scene 5 – Match of the Bay
Scene 6 – Witches switch
Scene 7 – Back in the Venetian bar
(The three witches declaim from different points in the auditorium, moving towards the stage.)
Witch 1 The year has turned, the day is nigh.
Witch 2 'Once more unto the breach,' they cry.
Witch 3 'Once more unto the breach?' What's that?
Witch 1 We're off to see a football match
Witch 2 But not in Scotland, dear me no –
We've
many further miles to go.
Witch 1 We'll have to go across the sea,
As
far away as Italy.
Witch 3 To Italy? Well, thank you, ta –
I
don't know if I go that far.
Witch 1 Well, Bella dear, that's nothing new.
Witch 2 It's true – she hasn't got a clue.
Witch 1 We're going there to cheer our lads.
Witch 2 Dressed in our tartan and our plaids.
Witch 3 Well count me out, it's not my scene.
Witch 1 Och, come on Bella, don't be mean!
Witch 2 They'll lose if we don't back them up.
Witch 3 Lose what?
Witch 1 The European Cup!
Witch 3 The wha'?
Witch 2 It's new this year you know.
Witch 1 The flying Doctor told us so.
Witch 3 Not that one in the flashing hut!
Witch 1 Aye, him again.
Witch 3 I don't know – but …
(They have arrived at the stage, and broomsticks appear)
Witch 2 You'll do it, Bella. Stick by me.
We'll
travel in formation – see?
Witch 1 The Doctor found these on a trip.
He
said we'd find them useful.
Witch 2 Sit
Like
this, he said (she demonstrates) and hold on tight.
Witch 1 We'll be like three black crows in flight.
Witch 3 Where did he find them?
Witch 1 I don't know.
I
think he said some studio.
Witch 2 Aye, piled outside with all the scrap
Along
with some old wizard's hat.
Witch 3 They've all got names.
Witch 1 My, my, that's true.
I'm
Harry Potter. Who are you?
Witch 2 I'm Weasley Ron.
Witch 3 I'm Hermi One.
Witch 1 Right – ready for a trial run?
Witch 2 As ready as we'll ever be.
Witch 1 Then, chocks away – to Italy!
(The witches exit, fly them if you dare!)
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